Category Archives: purity in the home

Family Mission Statement, Rules, Values, Vows, and Verse

We did it.  Finally put this all together (by God’s grace and my husband’s intentionality).

The Draper Family Mission Statement: Every day we will joyfully choose to love and serve God and our neighbors.

The Draper Family Verse:  Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with the gratitude in your hearts.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

– Colossians 3:12-17

The Draper Family House Rules: 

1. Love God
2. Obey Right Away
3. Have a Happy Heart
4. Be Kind
5. Work Hard
 

The Draper Family Values: To intentionally practice humility, forgiveness, self-control, joy, patience, grace, service, love, and prayer with our family, friends, and the world.

The Draper Parent’s Vows: To treat our children gently, provide consistency, and be trustworthy

The Draper Kids Expectations: To honor and obey daddy and mommy, always being honest

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Meditations

I’ve found it difficult to come up with blog posts this month (obviously!).

I have some pictures to download and stories to tell…but I find myself spending my time…..somewhere else!

I don’t even know if I can pinpoint where it’s spent (and I don’t think that’s a good thing…), but a lot of it is spent reading and being encouraged, challenged, convicted, and called to action

The Better Mom is a blog I refer to often around here and I just love the rawness and authenticity of the writers.  Monday is a traditional Link-up day with them – and while I’m still figuring out how to actually do that…I will refer to them – head on over to The Better Mom and read their insight for The Hurried Mom, today!

The creator of The Better Mom, collaborated with her husband and MANY other writers and authors to begin another blog called For the Family. AGAIN I am daily encouraged and enriched, challenged and convicted, and drawn into scripture through their posts.  I especially love the line in today’s that reads:

“I want to understand God’s purpose for family and live purposefully. I want to discover God’s specific calling for my family and together, live out that calling.

I want my family to live authentically and, together, grow into the likeness of Christ and authentically share the Good News of Jesus with all those around us.”

Head on over to For the Family and read today’s post about God’s Purpose for your Family

Lastly – did you hear that Jen Hatmaker’s family is going to have a t.v. show?!  For all of us that read 7 and got rid of our excess (including satellite, cable, or even t.v.’s!), we are bummed that we won’t be able to follow it in it’s true form – but are desperately scrambling to find a way to watch it on HGTV still 🙂

 

What have you read lately that has you stopping to think? ponder? pray? or search?

Motherhood: Servant vs. Martyr

An exerpt from Jen Hatmaker’s: Out of the Spin Cycle Devotional

She is explaining how she chose to be a stay-at-home mom, but with the wrong idea of what it would look like:

“But when I took that as my identity, I developed a sense of entitlement and did a lot of waiting around for credit.  I held the emotional position that I was doing everyone a favor.  This top-down perspective tainted everything, becasue if I wasn’t perfectly appreciated, adequately recognized, or verbally praised (and what mom is?), then I became the wounded martyr who was always disgruntled.”

“If there is a more thankless, unglamorous job than motherhood, I haven’t seen it.  I know you get it, girls.  Something about being covered in other people’s urine and vomit while scrubbing toilet’s and hearing your precious cherub say ‘NO!’ to you twelve hundred times a day makes moms bat-poop crazy sometimes.  On super bad days, you might even say, ‘Is this really my life?'”

“When I choose servant instead of martyr, my children enjoy the security that they are welcomed in our home.  They are not a thorn in my flesh, cutting into my personal time.  They aren’t a nuisance, making me sigh with irritation all day.  They are welcomed members of this family, loved and purposed.  And when my children are welcomed, I have opened the very doors of heaven and invited God himself into the laughter, chaos, and life of our home.  Now that is greatness.”

Homeschool Convention Recap #3

Did you miss the first and second recaps from the Midwest Homeschool Conference?

Here’s the third (at least 1 more to come – a guest post by my favorite person)

Joel and I were so privileged to sit in a session by Kirk Martin (Calm Parenting)- someone who’s sessions sounded interesting but were SO HIGHLY recommended to us by some other gals from our community homeschool group, that we just had to give in and check him out.  Boy, were we glad we did!

His humor certainly keeps you engaged and laughing both at his story and our own reflection in them

But his heart for God and his children to be raised up in Him, at the expense of himself (meaning the daily rememberance to die to self – especially as a parent) is what won us over to be a fan.  We will certainly be seeing him again in the future any chance we get!

The title of his topic was: Stop Defiance, Disrespect, & Meltdowns

Don’t give them control – but give them ownership (I can’t remember the story behind this line…but the concept is one I want to remember!)

Humble yourself as the parent – and your child will become humble and contrite and have a heart change

Is what they hear different than what I mean?

God is very comfortable with imperfection – WE are not

When I control myself I get clarity

You can’t talk your kid out of being anxious

They’re not being disobedient/defiant – they are exploring (again, I forget the context, but important to keep in mind in ALL stages of kids growth…)

Give direction: Clear. Firm. Direct.  Then remove yourself – leaving them with figuring out how to deal with it

First time obedience vs. immediate obedience (there’s a difference!)

Those who are forgiven much LOVE much

I don’t need you (the child) to respect me, I have self-respect…I need you to respect me for your own good.  If you are disrespectful, you are not ready for this much freedom

TANTRUMS are manipulative

MELTDOWNS are emotional

Motion changes Emotion: diffuse the situaion by meeting your child in a different place and sitting side-by-side to discuss the emotional outburst they had.  Try snacking together to relieve some tension and to build a memory of time where Dad would get the salsa, I’d get the chips and we’d meet on the deck to talk it through

Model it – they’re looking for a leader and they will follow

 

Thoughts? Feedback?

 

My war is not against flesh and blood

Little can be sweeter than victory after nasty defeat!

Naptime and bedtime still rages war in our home.
We have prayed, and prayed, and PRAYED over this situation
We have sought so much (wise) counsel as to how to ‘break’ Mylin of getting out of bed, or how to ‘make’ her obedient, and how to do it lovingly, or patiently, or absent of anger
But let me tell you – for a girl who struggles with an angry heart – this has been HARD

Today I was blessed with some very encouraging counsel from my mentor (thank you, Mom Life!!!)
I was reminded that this is my highest calling – to care for, teach, and train these children God has blessed us with
I quit my job for this – a job that I loved…but also used as a ‘break’ from being a mom
That is not where God wanted my heart

Satan loves to remind me that I could get my job back – or get so flooded with opportunities to serve, or volunteer, or fill my days with ‘stuff’ that keeps me away from my focus on my children
But Satan’s work gets so skewed in my mind and I find myself being angry at Mylin for not staying in bed and not going to sleep and manipulating me
Or I get mad at Joel for ‘messing up’ our routine by being home and wanting to take over naptime on the weekends (uh, hello – this is a team effort, Rachel – get over yourself and let go of the reins…)

But my war is NOT against flesh and blood
Joel so wisely reminded me a few weekends ago:
“We’re on the same team”
Wow, you’re right – so why am I so mad at you?!?!?

Get behind (me) us, Satan!
We need to put on our armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) of God daily and remember that we (Joel & I) are united in Christ and fighting with Him agains the evil one.

I so appreciated this reminder and the flood of refreshment it brought to my mind, heart, and spirit
God is using this to teach me self-control…how can I expect my 2 year old to have it, when I cannot even display it during a routine naptime?!?!

This is all about training her heart too…that obedience to mommy is done out of love for mommy
Just like mommy is obedient to God out of her love (and sacrifice of self) to Him

God is using this tiny, frustrating, beautiful, big-grinned, silly goose 2 year old to train my heart
Thank you, God, for an adorable lesson 🙂

House Rules and Family Values

In our house we have been trying to establish ways to build character in this little sweetie:

So I’ve adapted some tools from my sister-in-law Jill (LOVE her) – that she used with her kids as toddlers

House Rules:
1. Love God
2. Obey Right Away
3. Have a Happy Heart (Jill’s was ‘Tell the Truth’)
4. Be Kind
5. Work Hard

Over the last several weeks we’ve been reciting these with Mylin with a corresponding finger on her hand – an easy way for her to remember, right?!
It has worked great – she enjoys learning them and saying them and often asks us “Which one is this?” and holds up any number of fingers, wanting us to tell her which is which again 🙂

Today, Joel brought up that ‘Be Kind’ is an outward expression of relating to others, not a heart issue, and wondered if we should change, adapt, or add another rule on to address the heart of how we treat others
Then we discussed maybe having family values (much like the list of verses in 1 Thessalonians 12-22) as a separate part of character building in our home – something that older children can learn, but not as simple as what the toddler will memorize…

What are your thoughts on this?

What house rules or family values do you live by in your home?
What evidences of character building do your children memorize?

We would love to have more ideas!!!

prayer retreat

Earlier this month I was so blessed to go on a 24 hour prayer retreat
My mom, lovely husband, and great friend, Brittany, made sure Mylin was cared for while I was gone!
I was also privileged to get to spend the day with another good friend, at her in-laws house: a free place to stay!
This is the 4th (or 5th?) prayer retreat I’ve ever been on – and they have all been SO different!  Not just because God reveals different things to me each time, but because I have done them in all sorts of locations.  This is the first time I retreated with someone else and I think I will always do this again!  While we did spend time talking together about MomLife (a joint ministry of ours), our husbands, children, marriages, and just what God was doing in our lives in general, I still had ample time to read and pray on my ‘own’ in the house with her.  Having this partner calmed my anxiety about staying away from home (I am pretty hormonally anxious woman when pregnant…not to mention when I am not!!!) and also provided the opportunity to just talk about God and life without interuption.
This is how it all began on that Wednesday afternoon:
I ended up spending a lot of time writing down my thoughts on about 5 differently themed sheets of paper (Family, Self, MomLife, to do, Bible Study).  I would recommend this trick to anyone going on a retreat!  To always have a notebook beside me to pour my thoughts into helped me to get rid of the nagging chores I didn’t want to forget to do when I returned home…and to help me not forget the passages I read or the words God gave me over certain subjects or requests.
I had struggled with having an agenda during this retreat.  I went into it with 2 huge ‘things’ I wanted to figure out, plus like 37 smaller requests I wanted insight on 🙂  Within about 3 hours, through reading and also an insightful conversation with my retreat companion, I realized that why I go to God to seek answers, He desires that I just seek Him
Well…after that I felt like, I’ve gotten what I came for – I can go home!
I didn’t go home though 🙂 But spent time reflecting on this and preparing myself for what I feel like will be a season of waiting, patience, peace, discipline, obedience, and trust (shouldn’t all of life be like this?!).  I believe that why I wish I had certain things figured out in my life and for our future, God wants me to focus on learning about and growing in Him – He already knows how all those other issues will pan out – I am in a place to show Him that I trust Him to be in control…and therefore relinquish my control.
We’ll see how this goes……..
🙂
Have you ever taken a prayer retreat?
Where do you go?
How do you prepare?
How does God speak to you during these times?!