Everyone has one. ESPECIALLY if you have kids. ESPECIALLY if you have young kids.
This is our story.
Wednesday night: drive to MI to stay at Joel’s grandparent’s. Don’t forget to bring your dog, since you didn’t ask anyone to take care of her while away and since you will be there for only 24 hours and everyone else brings their dogs too.
Thursday morning: wake up, get all dolled-up for Thanksgiving with the extended family and entertain kids until either A. the food is ready or B. naptime has approached. Forget to keep track of your dog 100% of the time, even though you know she gets nervous and scared around so many other dogs and loses control of her bowels. Joyfully watch your son slide down the stairs into the basement on his belly (a newly acquired skill). Next goes your daughter. Followed by panic and screaming and crying as she’s realized she just slid through and is now clutching onto dog feces. Snatch her up quickly and take her to upstairs bathroom to begin the cleaning process. Resist punting the dog down the basement stairs. Instead, tread carefully down the stairs, surveying the damage and gathering up your son before he climbs back up the stairs through the smeared poo. Take him to upstairs bathroom to help daughter and husband in the aftermath. When in bathroom, realize son is also covered in the feces, with a considerable amount all over his belly because of the sliding excitement + shirt sliding up his body. Cringe. Carefully strip his clothes off and plunk him into bath. Curse in your head about how you never take spare clothes anywhere because this stuff doesn’t happen to you or your kids and now your children will be enjoying the Thanksgiving festivities with their relatives in their underwear (or diaper). Approach the washer and dryer that look like they are directly from outer space and just stare at them, unable to decipher which one is which, not to mention where the detergent goes and how to turn it on. Find Uncle to help you. Get the clothes washing and check on husband and kids. Dry them off, try to calm down and find Grandma to let her know you need carpet cleaner because your dog crapped all over her stairs and guests will be arriving shortly. Resist punting dog again when opportunity arises. Finally have a moment of peace when your husband hugs you. Everyone reassures you that not only is no one mad, but they don’t even really care and the carpet is easily cleaned (or so they claim). Sit down. Pray. Take a deep breath. Enjoy watching your naked kids running around and realize this all was kind of funny. Later, when telling your sister-in-law what she missed, realize that this will be the holiday incident to look back on and say, ‘At least it wasn’t like that one time…’
Thursday night: Go home, texting and calling lots of friends and family about the funny thing that happened at Thanksgiving at Grandma’s
Saturday afternoon: Blog the story so that it will forever be burned into your memory