Here’s the third (at least 1 more to come – a guest post by my favorite person)
Joel and I were so privileged to sit in a session by Kirk Martin (Calm Parenting)- someone who’s sessions sounded interesting but were SO HIGHLY recommended to us by some other gals from our community homeschool group, that we just had to give in and check him out. Boy, were we glad we did!
His humor certainly keeps you engaged and laughing both at his story and our own reflection in them
But his heart for God and his children to be raised up in Him, at the expense of himself (meaning the daily rememberance to die to self – especially as a parent) is what won us over to be a fan. We will certainly be seeing him again in the future any chance we get!
The title of his topic was: Stop Defiance, Disrespect, & Meltdowns
Don’t give them control – but give them ownership (I can’t remember the story behind this line…but the concept is one I want to remember!)
Humble yourself as the parent – and your child will become humble and contrite and have a heart change
Is what they hear different than what I mean?
God is very comfortable with imperfection – WE are not
When I control myself I get clarity
You can’t talk your kid out of being anxious
They’re not being disobedient/defiant – they are exploring (again, I forget the context, but important to keep in mind in ALL stages of kids growth…)
Give direction: Clear. Firm. Direct. Then remove yourself – leaving them with figuring out how to deal with it
First time obedience vs. immediate obedience (there’s a difference!)
Those who are forgiven much LOVE much
I don’t need you (the child) to respect me, I have self-respect…I need you to respect me for your own good. If you are disrespectful, you are not ready for this much freedom
TANTRUMS are manipulative
MELTDOWNS are emotional
Motion changes Emotion: diffuse the situaion by meeting your child in a different place and sitting side-by-side to discuss the emotional outburst they had. Try snacking together to relieve some tension and to build a memory of time where Dad would get the salsa, I’d get the chips and we’d meet on the deck to talk it through
Model it – they’re looking for a leader and they will follow