Remember in November when I blogged about the new stuff going on in our life: Mylin becoming a big sister?!?!
Well here’s a few more details on how the last 3+ months of our lives have gone
Joel and I have been excited and anxious to grow our family!
While we feel extremely blessed that becoming pregnant with Mylin was very easy for us, we did not want to take that for granted and expect that in the future…….but honestly, I sure was hoping that my heart’s desire would become a reality – and sooner rather than later!
While our heart’s were longing for more children since January of this year, my body was still sustaining Mylin until mid-July through breastfeeding
Then, near the end of September, we were overjoyed to find out that apparently my body was ready again!
I was just over 4 weeks pregnant!
We kept our news quiet like we did with Mylin (we waited 11 weeks until we told our parents and then 14 until we announced it to siblings and friends)
The day I was starting my 6th week of pregnancy, I woke up with a concerning amount of bleeding
Not knowing exactly what we should do, Joel and I continued getting ready for work and I called the on-call doctor since it was only 6:30am
He told me to call when the office opened at 8:00 and come in for an ultrasound
I did not know what to do with myself at that point
Joel and I were in shock and trying to come to terms with the realization I was probably having a miscarriage (I didn’t know that I could be bleeding that much and still be pregnant…)
He left for work and I cried myself to a staff meeting in Berne
I showed up to realize God’s grace has clearly proceeded me there…
Only 3 other women could attend our meeting that day and I went only because I couldn’t just sit around and wait all morning – I had too much nervous energy
I burst into tears as I walked in my boss’ house and was immediately comforted by 3 women who had all grieved the loss of a child (which I was previously unaware of)
Thank you, Lord, for your divine organization!
They let me do and say whatever I needed that morning…we prayed, talked about worked, I think we might even have laughed a little, and the longest day of my life kept inching by
I found out I could get into my appointment mid-afternoon and at my boss’ encouragement I didn’t go to work that day (how could I care for the struggles of my clients when I myself was falling apart?!)
So I went to my parent’s house to tell my mom what was going on
She kept Mylin for the rest of the day and I went home to sleep until Joel picked me up for our appointment
Another blessing in this day was our ultrasound technician who was very caring and informative as I was prepped for the appointment
She explained that this early in pregnancy we wouldn’t see the baby either way, so to not be shocked if the sac looked empty
And even though it did, I was so relieved to see this evidence of life only a few minutes later:
We took this picture and met with our nurse practitioner who explained that while we don’t know why I am bleeding I can take some precautions while we continue figuring out what is going on
First off, I thought I was 6 weeks pregnant but was only measuring 5 – which is NOT good news…
I was to be on ‘pelvic rest’ for 2 weeks until my next ultrasound was scheduled that would give us more information
I was told to expect regular bleeding and to not be alarmed unless it increased
So…we know now that I was pregnant…but not sure if our child was still alive or if it would remain alive
I went through the next several days in constant prayer and regular tears
We felt like zombies barely able to talk about anything else and waking up to cry and talk in the middle of the night wondering how we were going to have the patience to wait see what God’s plan was for this child and our family
We were blessed with the reassurance that no matter the outcome…God is good!
He was good whether this child lived or died – that did not change Him and His attributes
6 days after my first ultrasound I woke up with increased bleeding and called the doctor immediately and we headed in for another ultrasound
As soon as the image came on the screen we had tears of joy!!!!!!
Immediately we could see the tiny baby in the sac and the HEART WAS BEATING!
We also noticed the distorted shape of the sac (we refered to our child at this time as ‘africa baby’)
The doctor explained now we knew for sure it wasn’t my cervix bleeding, but a hemorrage inside my uterus ripping the baby off my uterean wall
They told us it was extremely common and that I had a 50/50 chance of carrying the child full term or miscarrying
I could maintain pelvic rest but that wouldn’t guarantee the baby would live – but why not do all we can to possibly help?!
So we go home again with great reassurance and equally frightening worry
I think it was at this point that I decided I was going to be emotionally numb
I couldn’t handle the up of the hope and evidence of life and the down of the possibility of death
I couldn’t function like a zombie anymore and I was just going to wait it out until God revealed to us that our child was alive or in heaven
So – I stopped crying, but increased my earnest prayers
We told a few prayer warrior friends that would check up on us regularly and pray for us daily
We isolated ourselves from social relationships because we felt like we had nothing to talk about without going into our whole ordeal which we were not comfortable with being public
So we lasted 8 more days until another appointment and another glimpse at our sweet second child
Again, heart swelling excitement when our baby popped up on the screen and that heart was fluttering again!
The doctor said it was good news – the hemorrage was thinning out and the placenta was only growing stronger – gripping that baby to my uterus
We were used to this information from the doctor of taking it easy and wouldn’t be back for 3 more weeks to check up on the africa (shaped) baby
Surprisingly those 3 weeks went by quickly we had a good check up and heard the heartbeat without an ultrasound and were ready to announce our news!
While we still didn’t know if I was 10 1/2 or 11 1/2 weeks – we called our siblings, texted our friends and stopped by a few houses to share our joy with others!
Feeling so good and excited about the prospect of the next 6+ months the worry of the hemorrage was finally gone!
Then just a few days later, the bleeding returned…
A quick phone call and 24 hours later there I was (this time without Joel, but feeling very positive!!! We had our prayer warriors in battle with us) back at the office and really excited to get to see our child that I knew was living and well – I was just ready for reassurance…
And up popped this: